Ratatoskur

I live far away from USA and I have never even visited the country. I haven't intended to do so either, considering where the country has been headed in recent years. But maybe things will start getting better again, now.

I'm all emotional over Obama's win. Not only because the US now has a democrat as a president again, but mostly because of the historical weight this election has had. I mean, twenty years ago, hell, even 10 years ago, would you have believed that in 2008 America would choose like this? Honestly?

This can be nothing but a turn for the better, so congrats all you Americans on my F-list!

Haven't much felt like writing recently. I'm only writing now because I don't want to go jogging just yet (I'm waiting till later so I can visit the graveyard on the same trip without having to deal with the rest of the people there). Not much has happened anyway.

Well, I HAVE decided on where I'll apply in the spring. Three App. Science Unis with IT related majors. There's this one city in particular that I'd like to get to, but it's apparently also the hardest to get in of the three. I'm not terribly worried though. The max points you can get while applying are 100. 40 come from the entrance exam, 55 from upper secondary school certificate and 5 from whether or not the school you're applying for was your first choice. So, before the exam I'll have 49 points together, and if I'm lucky I'll get at least close to full points on the exam. So I'll have something like around 80/100 points. And even with the Uni I'd most like to get into, the entrance percentage is close to 50% on this line, so I shouldn't have that much trouble. If I don't totally fuck up the entrance exam that is.

But we'll see.

Mostly I'm just concentrating on saving money and losing weight right now. Nothing worth writing about so I won't crowd your friends page with all my boring shit.

A quick one:
- The Stick is my friend, The Clutch, however, is not. Yet.
- Did laundry.
- Went for a six mile walk/jog.
- An autumn storm is promised for tomorrow.
- Am reading a book about sugar cravings.
- Bought a lottery ticket the other day. Won €10,90. El'o'el.

I'm going to turn off my computer in a minute and not open it again in at least 24 hours. I waste all my time on this machine. This has to stop!

So tomorrow I'll get to know our new baby (this petite pretty Mazda) and reacquaint myself with the dreaded stick. If you never hear from me again I have probably managed to wrap myself around a street light or some such, the amazing driver I am. Or it may well be that daddy dearest has had a nervous fit trying to get me to learn something about driving that damned car and has been so unsuccessful that he has had to resort to drastic measures. I.e. he has abandoned me somewhere along the freeway and I will never be seen again as I've been captured by some psychopath who likes to chop up hitch hikers and eat them for lunch. And dinner too, on Sundays.

You can probably tell I've been eating A LOT of candy in a very short period of time. H Y P E R much? And I'm supposed to go to bed soon so I'll get the mountains of laundry done that I have waiting every where.

PS I hate myself for always falling for the wrong people (=people who are already seeing someone, usually someone I also know) . But that's a rant for another day. Off to hunt the Sandman now, maybe he can give me something to calm me down a little. So maybe I'll even get a little sleep at some point.

It's possible that I haven't officially changed my home municipality since moving back here.

Too bad that legally you have to notify the local register offices of a change of municipalities within a week of the switch or else.

And there's no way to check it up anywhere. How stupid is that? So basically I'll have to walk up to the local offices and fess up my ignorance and generally just make an ass of myself.

I am NOT happy about this.

In other news: went for a walk before work today; work was okay; I'm okay. Well, better than yesterday, anyway. The whole local register office mess has made me a little edgy, though. Will get over it eventually. Oh yeah, and I'll prolly make more money this month than I originally thought. Yay!

Song of the Day

Children of Bodom - Oops! I Did It Again (Britney cover)
(No video, just the song on a black background, sry)

I love CoB. One of my fave bands out there. I chose this song today simply because it put me in a good mood this morning when I was taking my walk.

I love CoB for a lot of reasons. Obviously the music is great, and the musicians really talented. But I also like the musicians' personalities. They are so laid back, man, and they def don't take themselves too seriously. This song is actually a pretty good indicator of their sense of humor. They've also covered Umbrella on a gig.

Anyway, I love them!

( A pic of the lead singer. Cause he's such an adorable little chibi. )

I bought a new pair of pants today. I tried them on at home, and I pretty much looked a seal. A seal that has been stuffed into a skin couple of sizes too small. Fucking gross. All I ever do is eat eat eat and then I wonder how I'm this fat. Bullshit.

How can't I ever do anything right? 25 pounds ago I was happy with my body. I don't remember much else about that time, because all I ever did was drink coffee or water and think about all the things I didn't allow myself to eat. Occasionally I'd exercise, but that's it. I have little memories of that time.

And then I started to eat. And I can't. Fucking. Stop.

I don't wanna go to how things were before. But even 10 pounds less would be enough. I'd feel good about myself, like the way I look like, be healthier. I'm disgusting now. Jesus. What a failure.

I remember how when I weighed a little over hundred pounds I'd think about all the "fat people" out there (=normal people) and how I'd never be one of them. I couldn't understand how anyone could let themselves go like that. But. You know. I do understand it now. It's a question of noticing the change too late.

I need to change. Yeah.

(I'm sorry, I know this is pathetic.)

Song of the Day
Archive - Goodbye

Yet again something to fit my mood. Melancholy and heartbreaking. One of my favorite songs, ever.

I like kids. I'd make a terrible Mama, myself, cause I've such a short temper, but I still like other people's kids. And I absolutely adore my Godson who'll be 18 months in a few weeks. He is such a doll (though he's loud as all hell, he's grown up around two noisy Aras (Scarlet Macaws) and he likes to imitate their screeches and squawks and screams. I mean seriously, they are LOUD. I don't get to see him nearly as much as I'd like, but I still love him to bits.

Today was the slowest day of the month this far at work. Jesus, I was nearly bored to tears. I cheered myself up with some ginger snap chocolate after work though, and spent some money on a thermos-mug and some yarn for my handicraft projects (that I usually don't even finish but that I really like messing around with). Otherwise a very useless day. I hate the fact that my boss decided to give me an evening shift for today and a morning shift for tomorrow. But at least I'll be home early tomorrow so I'll have some serious DDR time for myself for a change.

What else? My mind is a void right now. Maybe I'll finish my coffee and then crawl into bed and read for a while. No way will I get enough sleep tonight so I might as well stay awake late and be dead tired tomorrow.

Sorry about the lack of comments, by the way, I've been reading my friends page every day but haven't had the energy to comment. I'll work on that tomorrow.

Song of the Day

Bishi - On My Own Again

Bishi is an artist whose music I haven't heard all that much, but all that I HAVE heard has been to my liking. Especially this song. I dig the sitar parts (if that's what the Indian instrument in this song, in fact, is) and I also really like Bishi's rawness and this certain edge she's got.

ETA

I usually wake up to the sounds of my radio going off in the morning. Today, the song that was on was December by So Called Plan. And that song has been haunting me the whole day, because I can't get my head around what band it reminds me of. So if anyone who listens to lots of different bands could check out their MySpace and listen to December in particular and then come and tell me who they fucking sound like, I'd appreciate it. And I know they are very generic but it's a particular band that lurks at the edges of my mind when I hear it, not a whole genre of bands.

And for the record, I actually like their music, even if they aren't what I typically listen to. Yeah, and they're also Finnish so I can't tell if they have a funny accent to native speakers or not, but anyway.

Song of the Day

Protocol - Where's the Pleasure

Makes me feel like jamming every single time I hear the song. I never tire of this, and I've heard this enough times to lose count.

It's a shame most of our foreign customers are from non-english-speaking countries. I don't get to practice my verbal skills nearly as much as I'd like, at least not with natives. Today I had to help out a fellow cashier with some Eastern Europeans 'cause she doesn't speak English at all and she needed to see some ID since they were paying with a credit card and the sum was so high and yada yada. So she tapped me on the shoulder and told me to talk to them. Asking them for an 'ID' got me a blank face. 'Personal identification papers' added the proverbial question mark on top of their heads. Finally 'driver's license' was what got me through. Thank god for that because after that it would have been either 'a passport' or body language.

Anyway, I really like our foreign customers most of the time. I really enjoy meeting people who come from different cultures than I do and even if it is only for short periods of time, I enjoy connecting with people at work. One of the good things about my job, even if I like to bitch about it a lot in general. My faves are Japanese tourists 'cause they're always so polite and friendly (and pretty!). Mid-Eastern families are also nice, although they are pretty reserved and don't usually chat much, but I just like the way they interact with each other and how different they look and stuff.

I generally like to ogle our customers a lot, which is probably really creepy when you think about it. But seriously, I gotta keep myself entertained somehow. So I watch people, the way they look, dress, move and interact with people. Because you know, people are really interesting. Sometimes, when I'm really bored and have no customers, I like to make up stories about the people I see at work. Like what goes on in their heads, what kinds of dirty little secrets they have, what they think about their mother-in-laws and such. Maybe I'm just weird but that keeps me entertained :D.

This could actually be a better idea than I originally thought. On a larger scale, I mean. I'm talking about the Africa-Finland Big Brother swap. What a great way to bring awareness to cultural differences. And what better way to broaden people's horizons than through a show that's one of the most popular realities in Finland? I just hope that this week's tasks will be good ones on both ends so that we get to really see the diversity of the different African cultures represented in the African house.

It's also great how the Big Brother fans of both shows have begun to mix on the respective forums. Fun to see how differently things are done both in the houses and on the forums. Though it's a shame how much more censored the African house is this year, after all the scandals last season. But I believe this is going to be great change to the normal happenings. Plus, I'm willing to bet that this swap is a mind boggling experience for Munya (the African housemate) and for Johan (the Finn). Definitely an experience of a lifetime.

And oh, how I loath the fact that I have to go to work today.

Don't have anything in particular to update about but because I'm bored, I'm gonna anyway.

Sister's boyfriend has been visiting since yesterday. They've pretty much been holed up in her room the whole time (no surprise there), except for when dad decided to give him the third degree yesterday. Needless to say, dad was piss drunk at the time. Poor guy.

Today I've pretty much just hung online and played DDR. Only like three hours for the latter though, don't wanna kill my legs again.

I'm waiting for the eviction show to start on Big Brother Finland. I haven't paid much attention to the show lately considering how boring it has gotten, but today I'll drag my bones in front of the telly. Mainly because there will be a housemate swap between Finland and another Big Brother house, presumably Africa's. In any case, things are bound to be a lot more interesting on that front this week.

I don't have work tomorrow before 2pm so I can stay up late tonight (I'm an old hag, I need a full night's sleep to properly function.) Might end up reading something for a change. Haven't had much time or energy for that lately.

Oh by the way, mom's been laughing at me a lot less for playing Guitar Hero after she heard that her 55-year-old boss is hooked on the game and is planning on getting them the whole set for work. Mwahah, take that. I hope he'll force mum to try it out, too. That's something I'd really like to see.

Man kills his wife and their two children, 9 and 10, and then himself. Both parents were school teachers and no one has a fucking clue as to why he did this. He used a fully licensed hunting shot gun.

Nothing further to report. Here's some music to fit my mood.

This is the deal: I'm twenty one years old, and I am once again living with my parents.

Because I had this "slight" nervous break down last spring, resulting in me dropping out of school, committing financial suicide and all together just pretty much falling apart. So now I'm living in my family's guest room, putting up with all this same old shit again, and just laying in wait of better times when I can get a flat of my own again and start living like a human being. Again.

But money is seriously an issue here, especially when I only have a part time job. On a good month I might be able to put aside something like €500 and on a bad month... Well, let's just say that at this pace, I'll never have my debts covered, let alone have any savings for future. Add to that the emotional strain living with my fucking parents is putting on me, I'm not really the happiest camper out there. It's like I don't really have a life of my own right now.

And it's so shameful too, having to admit to not being able to take care of myself properly and letting things slide to a point where I actually can't get my rent paid, let alone the rest of my bills or even buy food. On the other hand I've now got my head fixed, somewhat clear plans for the future, and a good idea as to what I should not do in order to stay on track.

I just need to get out of here, and I know that won't be happening in at least another six months. Christ.

I haven't driven a car with manual gears in a little less than four years. I have to pass the second phase of driving school before next February. The second phase includes driving on ice, a general driving "lesson" and a theory lesson. So basically it's just a way to monitor how I've done since I got my driver's license. If I don't pass, I'll have to go through driving school again (which costs a shit load of money.)

This means that I will have to reacquaint myself with The Stick. Dun DUN dun DUN dunn. Dad's thinking about getting a new car that's a manual this time around, and he pretty much said that he'll make me re-learn the basics next week end. Now, I think I mentioned me being a shitty driver? Well, multiply that by 10 and you get the general idea as to how well I drive with my dad on the passenger seat. Man, does he create pressure on me. I make the stupidest mistakes with him sitting next to me. Then again it's probably better to make said mistakes next to dad than next to the driving instructor.

I am going to be such a nervous wreck about this all.

On other news, I saw my old High School History teacher today at work (I'm a cashier at this huge hypermarket - very glamorous, as I've said) and he recognized me. Which threw me a bit. I'm always surprised when people start talking to me like 'Hi, how've you been, it's been such a long time etc.' I always assume people forget my existence the moment they loose sight of me.

Played DDR with little sister numero uno and her friend today. The friend being some mad DDR expert. Felt pretty low stumbling through the songs on basic, myself. On the other hand, I've still got tons to learn while for her it's all just boring and mundane now. So take that! (And yes, my legs are STILL killing me and I STILL can't stop dancing.)

Off to bed now, work again tomorrow.

Dude, my legs... This is apparently what six hours of Dance Dance Revolution a day will do to you. When I woke up, my calves felt a bit sore. So I went to work feeling like I'd actually done something for a change. Then, when my first break rolled around, I pretty much felt like I couldn't even make it to the back room without collapsing. I might have to stick to Guitar Hero today. Maybe 15 minutes on the dance pad but that's it! Yeah.

Nothing much has happened today. Well, I did have an almost-car accident. Which was completely my own fault. I am such a shitty driver it's almost funny. But it's cool, I've never had an actual accident. Just a lot of almost-accidents.

Now I feel like maybe making some mashed potatoes and cauliflower stew. Yum. I've been fantasizing about food all day. I'm so bored at work that I have to keep myself entertained somehow, and what better way to do that than thinking about food? I thought so. But before food I apparently have to go visit Gran. Shouldn't take too long, though. Oh, and I have some Stracciatella ice cream for later. Ice cream is such greatness. Could watch a movie and pig out on that, tonight.

Ah, life's little pleasures. Think with your stomach and you don't have to think with your brain!

I don't understand anything about the current situation of world economics and I'm getting increasingly worried.

What's gonna happen next? How will all of this impact me? What the hell am I supposed to do about it?

Sometimes I wish I'd be a little bit smarter and a little bit more aware of the world around me.

Or possibly as dumb as a boot and not aware at all.

I guess all I can do is see where things go now.

I have this uncomfortable decision to make concerning next fall. Right now I'm working part time at a hyper-market (very glamorous, yes) and this is obviously only a temporary thing. I decided that I needed a break from studying and that a boring, low paid job would be something that really upped my motivation. And it really has, already. Now the only thing I've yet to decide, is to where I want to aim that motivation.

I spent the past two years studying in two different universities. Basically for nothing, because I hated my major even though I was okay in it. Such a mistake after High School, I should have taken the year of then instead of now. Now, I still have a place at my old Uni where I can go back next fall if I fail to get in anywhere else. But that's sort of a last resort. Where I'd really like to go is this Uni of Applied Sciences near by. But I'm undecided as to what I'd like to study. One option (maybe the most prominent one right now) is Business Information Technology. That's something that has been interesting me for a long time. Option number two, then, is Information Technology with the possibility of majoring in Telecommunications Engineering. The last serious option is currently Business Economics with Accountancy and Finance as a major. Biotechnology and Food Engineering is also something I've given thought to, especially Environmental Bitotech, but the last one is only half serious.

Now the problem is, as I've pretty much got equal interest in all the areas, which of these degree programs would be the best for ME? Right this moment Business Economics sounds like either a really smart or a really stupid choice because of world economics. If the worst happens and we face a new recession here, then will economists be the lowest of the low in employment or the highest of the high? Business IT should be relevant no matter what, considering how computer dependent each and every company is these days, and the same goes for IT in general. But do I want to become an office rat who spends her days writing code and fixing people's software, or would I rather be an office rat who spends her days 'engineering' and fixing people's hardware?

And then the final question: Do I really actually want any of these? Should I simply go back to the Uni and try changing majors, choose something really interesting and work my ass off for a degree that I will never, ever need?

Now, if I were a grown up, I'd know what the sensible thing was to do. But unfortunately, my brain is still fixed on "teenager" when it comes to rational decisions. Dammit. The good thing is, I've still got five months or so to make my mind up. A lot can happen in five months.

Dear God, my feet are killing me. But in a very good way!

I ordered a new game the other day, and today it arrived via mail. You wanna know what it is? Well, I'll tell you anyway. It's Dance Stage Supernova 2 (Dance Dance Revolution SuperNOVA 2) and I absolutely love it! I haven't played DDR before, so I'm firmly sticking to the 'beginner' mode right now, but after dancing (if you can call it that) for four hours now and progressively getting better and better, the only thing I can do is to proclaim my undying love and keep on practicing. Told my Mom about my new baby too, btw, and she asked me if I'm possibly going through some sort of a crisis. Tells you a little about what kind of games I generally like to play.

I also got some fabulous music via mail today, including Flyleaf, AaRon and Snowpatrol. The last one's not such a big favorite right now, but still okay. The first two on the other hand, are dynamite. Me likey.

I'm fed up with my little sister's bitching right now. She's seventeen, in love with a 23-year-old guy who lives 70 miles from here and constantly complaining to ME how our parents are ass holes who don't understand her and how she doesn't wanna bring the guy here cause they'll embarrass her but how she can't afford to go visit him every weekend either. Like. I. Care. I mean don't get me wrong, I love my sister and wish all the happiness in the world for her, but for God's sake, I'm not a teenager anymore, I don't have the patience to endlessly relate to that kind of shit. Gah.

Anyway, today was a good day and tomorrow will be just as good because I have my new dance pad and a whole day to myself! Cheers to dat.

I love conspiracy theories. I even believe in a few. Mostly I just love how much controversy they cause. How they make people think. Not necessarily think that they are wrong to believe something, but to simply start thinking why they believe the way they do.

I watched this documentary today. It might be old news to a lot of people, but I only just came across it. The stuff it's saying is mostly things I've already come across before, but some of the stuff was fresh. (Mainly the "facts" about the Federal Reserve etc. and the details on the pre-christian religions) Whether I believe these things to be true or not, the documentary makes some valid points. Especially the part about the entertainment industry's hold on each and every one of us. Something so obvious, yet something I for one rarely think about.

It's nearly two hours long, but if you have any interest in discussing religion, politics, conspiracies, governments and societies, then this should interest you. Again, whether you believe it to be total bullshit or dead on right. It definitely gave me something to think about.

Zeitgeist

Mmm, yum. Coffee. One of the only things I'm addicted to, these days. Especially the first cup of the morning, if I don't get it, I don't function. Coffee and yogurt on the other hand, not such a hot combo. But that is what I'll have to settle with, as there isn't much else to eat right now. Gotta buy lunch before going to work today. Maybe a tuna salad and a couple of bananas for my afternoon breaks. Mmm, I love food.

I have this one shameful thing that I often have a hard time admitting to. I watch Big Brother. I know, I know, what's wrong with me, right? I don't know! There's just something perversely fascinating about watching people's every goddamn step through the day. I don't know where this voyeurism stems from, but in all honesty it does apply to other areas of my life as well, so...

( Prepare to be bored to death )

I'm sorry! I know no one really gives a shit about Big Brother, and definitely not some small country's BB, but I just had to get that out of my system. Now maybe I'll manage to spare my sister from having to listen to me bitch about my BB-obsession to her.

I'll shut up now. Sorry again. I need to get ready for work anyway. Bye.